Fathers: Regrets, hope for future

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In an interview published in GQ magazine, Clint Eastwood sat down with his son Scott and shared his heart about their relationship. The one statement that jumped off the page of that interview was when Clint said, “I’m always looking forwards, never backwards.”

He amplified that statement by going on to say that he doesn’t live with regrets.

And then Scott, his son, left the room. Then he said this, and I’m quoting again, “You know, you always wonder if you could have done more, you could have spent a little more time with my son, a little more attention. I had that regret when my dad died. I used to live close enough to him that I could have dropped by a lot more. I never did and I was busy, always busy doing all the films.”

Now when I read that statement, I found myself thinking, “Wait a minute, I thought you said you’re always looking forward, you never live with regrets.”

And I thought, “Does anyone really live without regrets? Probably not.”

Thinking about the regrets of my own life, especially as they relate to my role as a father, I find that I have many. Our kids are grown and gone now and out on their own, but in looking back, for the most part fondly not regretfully, I do find some things that I wish I had done better.

For example, I wish I had been more diligent in allowing my children to see me in what I did more than just on Sundays or in front of the people in the churches I served. I wish I had done more to communicate the passion that I have deep in the heart of my soul, so they could see more of what drives me.

What drives me? I often tell people that when I graduated from seminary, I felt “loaded for bear”, ready to take on the world and to conquer it “at the drop of a hat!” (Is that enough of a cliché-filled statement for now?)

In the course of my studies, I had decided to make a list that I called my “SQN” list. That list was composed of all the principles that I felt were “Sine Qua Non” – the things in my life and belief system “without which I could not” (“sine qua non”) live or minister.

That list was 18 points strong – all biblical doctrines that not only determined what I believed, but also what I thought everyone else should believe as well.

These “doctrines” were things related to such things as Calvinism and the charismatic movement and the like.

But over 40 years of ministry have taught me that some of those things are not important. Gradually, as I would see that, I would strike those principles from the list.

Today, that “SQN” list is only four points long: (1) God exists. (2) God has given us His Word, the Bible! (3) Jesus Christ is God, and He came to provide salvation for all. (4) That salvation which Jesus provides is by grace through faith, and is freely given to all who believe in Christ alone for that salvation.

These four principles are principles I wish I had better taught to my children, simply because they point to the reason I get out of bed each day and the passion I have to live.

Bud Ortlund was a classmate of mine in seminary. Although we were never close friends there, I have grown to appreciate his ministry and his writing throughout the years since.

Last fall Bud Ortlund wrote a tribute to his father that was significant. He wrote:

“Fifty years ago my dad and mom gave me a new Bible. It was my senior year in high school, the first week of two-a-day football practices, and I crawled home that day, bone tired. Mom made a special dinner for me, since it was my birthday, and dad gave me a Bible with the following inscription:

“Bud, nothing could be greater than to have a son—a son who loves the Lord and walks with him. Your mother and I have found this Book our dearest treasure. We give it to you and doing so can give nothing greater. Be a student of the Bible and your life will be full of blessing. We love you. Dad.”

9/7/66 – Phil. 1:6’

“As I read these wonderful words from 50 years ago, it never occurred to me to think, ‘Dad doesn’t really believe that. It’s just religious talk.’

I knew he meant it, because I watched him live it. He was a student of the Bible, and his life was full of blessing, and I wanted what he had. It took me a few more years to get clarity in some ways, not surprisingly. But on this day so long ago my dad said something to me that left a deep impression. It moved me then, and it moves me now.”

As I think about my relationship with my own children, I have many very fond memories, and it is my sincere hope and prayer that as their father I have left a profound impression upon them.

But, as with But Ortlund and his Dad, my prayer for each of them is that, as they have watched me live, they have seen, even in the imperfections that they have each observed in my life and ministry, that my life is filled with more than just religious talk, but that I truly live and love what I talk about!

Regrets? Yes! But with a great and mighty hope for the future!

Again, I pray that each of you have had a Happy, but Hope-Filled Father’s Day!

God bless…

Chuck Tabor is a regular columnist for the Times-Gazette and the News Journal. He is also the former Pastor of Port William UMC.

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Chuck Tabor

Contributing columnist

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