A season of wishful thinking

Jarrod Weiss - Contributing Columnist

Another version of the Weiss Thanksgiving has again come to an end. The tipping of the scales has concluded, our stretchy pants have been pushed to their limit, and Christmas has taken over the ‘ole homestead.

The brisket and turkey (the brisket is our new tradition) have been consumed. The mashed potatoes have long since been devoured. The corn casserole isn’t living to see a day of leftovers. The deviled eggs have done their evil deed. And the chocolate lasagna and pumpkin pie are adding to the calorie total just as God intended.

Thanksgiving is a time when we reflect on all that we have, have had, and will have in our lives and to give thanks to an almighty God who has bestowed on us the gift of salvation, forgiveness, and life. While our daily lives may seem more difficult than we can handle at times we can be thankful for all that we have.

And like many before me, it is my time to share what I am thankful for this season and to lay out my wish list for the future. A man can be thankful, but a boy can wish…

Netflix and chill. I am thankful for the genius that invented streaming media. What would I do with my life if I didn’t have the ability to throw on a pair of sweatpants, snuggle into the corner of the couch, flip on the TV and literally not move until around 3 a.m. while binge-watching “The Good Wife” or “House of Cards”?

Do not disturb. I am thankful for the “Do Not Disturb” function on my smartphone. When your friends add you to a group text and you don’t want to be apart of it and the flurry of unimportant texts you can simply hit “Do Not Disturb” and forget all about the pointless conversations back and forth that don’t even pertain to you.

MSNBC. Without the unabashed partisan news cycle that is MSNBC I wouldn’t be able to turn on the TV at any moment and be reminded that I am most likely one (or more) of the following: racist, privileged, un-intelligent, anti-senior, anti-child, anti-poor, anti-progress, anti-compassionate. Why didn’t someone tell me this?

Ice, ice, baby. I enjoy a cold beverage every now and then (my liquid vice of choice is Diet Pepsi) and I couldn’t enjoy said beverage without ice. And I couldn’t enjoy that ice with ease if it weren’t for the automatic ice dispenser. Who wants to open the freezer, stick your hand in the frozen box and retrieve the ice when it can come out on demand?

Two-sided belts. Do you have a black belt and a brown belt? Why? Haven’t you discovered this awesome thing called a “double-sided belt”? Why should I take up space in my closet with two belts when I can simply rotate the buckle and twist the belt from black to brown? Do you know how much time I save in the morning with this life-changing wardrobe accessory?

Fingertouch lighting. All nine feet of the Weiss Family Christmas tree has gracefully taken root in our living room. The ornaments hung and the white lights strung. But what about turning the lights on and off? I can’t just reach around the tree to plug and unplug the lights every time I need to. That’s why I am thankful for remote control lighting because with the simple touch of a button I can illuminate the tree with ease.

Oh, the joy of first world problems.

But as is nature in this season of wishful thanking not only am I thankful for what I have I am making wishes for the future.

Presidential stalemate. As the campaign for president shifts into overdrive in the next few months I am wishing for a complete stalemate in the race for the highest office in the land. There is nothing better for America than a protracted campaign that continues to drive a divide between the country. A stalemate will be an illustration of strength to the world that all of humanity has been waiting.

Facebook dialogue. I am wishing for an online community where people can react to situations and opinions that have absolutely nothing to do with them in the most knee-jerk way possible. Even better, I hope there are more people that take the time to correct others’ grammar, post random items that are clearly fake, to contemptuously continue to point out that everything someone posts is fake, or post nothing but pictures of cats.

Hello. I’m hoping for a year when the internet and the airwaves play nothing but Adele’s “Hello”. I just can’t get enough of that song and I don’t think it is getting the credit it should nor is it getting the amount of time on the air that it should. A song like that needs to be played more than 15 times an hour and have more than 566,000,000 views on YouTube. Maybe Apple should default all iPhone ringtones to “Hello” because not only is it ironic to have the song play every time a phone rings, but maybe then we will hear it more than we are now.

And, I am thankful for sarcasm. Yeah, sarcasm. Such a talent.

Even in a year of personal losses that have changed me and my outlook on life and times that I have experienced more grief than at any other point in my past I am still profoundly grateful for all that I have been given and for all that will be given.

We can be thankful. We can be wishful. The choice is ours. I choose to be thankful for all that I have, grateful for what I have had, and wishful for a future that is bright and full of opportunity.

Jarrod Weiss lives in New Vienna and is a teacher in the Hillsboro City Schools district. He can be reached at buckeyeweiss@yahoo.com.


Jarrod Weiss

Contributing Columnist