Sideline Chatter: No stretch, yoga coming to Salt Lake ballpark

By Dwight Perry - The Seattle Tim

Down-Dog Days of Summer, anyone?

Among the promotional dates on the Class AAA Salt Lake Bees’ schedule this season: Yoga at the Ballpark.

Can’t wait to see what they cook up for the seventh-inning stretch.



—At “Report: Texans interested in acquiring Dak Prescott from Cowboys.”

—At “Cavs can’t find ‘W’ on team Scrabble night.”


Hey, batter, battered!

Cardinals outfielder Stephen Piscotty had a painful trip around the bases Tuesday night against the Cubs — getting hit by thrown balls on both elbows (at bat, then running to second) and then on the helmet while running home.

No truth to the rumor that he just landed a Target endorsement.


Free passes, anyone?

Wednesday, in case you missed it, was National Walking Day.

Which might explain why Royals pitchers promptly went out and walked nine Minnesota Twins.


Punch those ballots

WWE rassler Kane is ramping up to run for mayor of Knox County, Tenn.

In keeping with the theme, he threw his hat into the ring — and threatened to throw his opponents out of it.


The puck stops here

VictoriaRoyals goaltender Griffen Outhouse made a whopping 72 saves before surrendering the winning goal last Sunday in the longest Western Hockey League game ever played: 151 minutes, 36 seconds.

So who sponsors his postgame rubdown, Hamburger Helper?


The write stuff

—Janice Hough of, after Olympic gold medalist Dana Vollmer announced she’ll swim a 50-meter freestyle race while six months pregnant: “Wonder if she gets to go in the carpool lane.”

—Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the Cardinals’Stephen Piscotty getting hit by a thrown ball three times on one trip around the bases: “By the end it felt like a Mr. Bill skit.”

—RJ Currie of, after Spurs coach Gregg Popovich said he’ll use up Manu Ginobili “like a bar of soap” until the day Ginobili retires: “Well, at least it will be a clean break.”

—Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune, on reports that Patriots QB Tom Brady wants to play another six or seven seasons: “That’s 24 starting quarterbacks in Bears years.”


Troll Tide

Two Alabama football players recognized ex-Clemson quarterback Deshaun Watson in a Tuscaloosa bar and asked him to leave.

Best guess is the pair heard “last call” and suffered a bad title-game flashback.


Cravy train

Pitcher Tyler Cravy, after being one of the final cuts from the Brewers’ opening-day roster, threatened to quit the game and find “a 9-to-5 job where I get treated like a human, at this point.”

Earth to Tyler: Sure, you don’t get overtime pay in baseball and the hours and travel can be crazy, but your $537,500 salary for 2017 — even divvied up over 52 work weeks (some of which you don’t even work) — still pencils out to $258.41 an hour.


More headlines

—At “Cubs admit feeling pressure to win a World Series every 108 years now.”

—At “Score! Derrick Rose finally earns free hospital visit on punch card.”


Political baseball

Among the reasons President Trump broke with tradition and didn’t throw out the ceremonial first pitch of the baseball season, from Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle:

—”MLB refused to move game to Mar-a-Lago.

— “Former President Barack Obama is stealing catcher’s signs.

—“Lying radar gun keeps flashing ‘36’ on his 100-mph heater.”


Quote marks

—Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after St. Louis’Adam Wainwright threw a pitch that missed home plate by 30 feet: “Apparently it had something to do with the Cardinals hiring 50 Cent as their new pitching coach.”

—Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun, after the Blue Jays commissioned a study to determine whether they would draw fans if they weren’t a contender: “The easy answer: See 1996 to 2014.”

—ABC’sJimmy Kimmel, on the end of the NCAA Tournament: “Now all we have is Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter to distract us from working while we’re at work.”

—Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, on why Masters coverage on TV has increased from 2{ hours in 1956 to 18 hours today: “Jim Nantz’s descriptions of the azaleas in bloom.”

—Scott Radley of the Hamilton (Ont.) Spectator, after the city’s Lawfield Arena was renamed in honor of ex-NHL referee Bill Friday on April 6: “A Thursday.”

—Comic Torben Rolfsen, on the Phoenix Suns starting the youngest lineup in NBA history: “They didn’t win, but afterwards coach Earl Watson took them out for pizza and ice cream.”

—Rassler Kane, to the Knoxville (Tenn.) News-Sentinel, on why he’s a good fit for public office: “I have an inherent understanding because of WWE … of how a campaign works.”



Last Saturday, in case you missed it, was the seventh annual International Pillow Fight Day.

So why did the NBA schedule a 76ers-Nets game three days later?


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By Dwight Perry

The Seattle Tim