Four career MLB saves for Blaine Boyer? Make it five.
The veteran Royals reliever rushed to the front of the team bus and grabbed the steering wheel to keep it under control after a chunk of ice flew through the windshield, injuring the driver.
“That guy Fred was a trouper,” Boyer told the Athletic, deflecting the credit to the driver. “He had shards in his face, and he was locked in on trying to get the bus slowed down.”
Don’t chew on this
The Metropolitan King County Council approved a ban on vaping and chewing tobacco in sports facilities — particularly the Mariners’ Safeco Field — effective May 19.
In other words, Skoal’s out for summer.
Tony Frisco, 87, of East Palatka, Fla., has given 100 gallons of blood over his lifetime.
Even more amazing: He wasn’t even a hockey player!
Butt Fumble II?
Journeyman NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez got hit with a four-game ban for PEDs.
Let’s hope he doesn’t try using the “my butt backed into a needle” excuse.
That 5-hole’s a doozy
Because of a scheduling logjam, the telecast of Game 4 of the Devils-Lightning playoff series got moved to the Golf Channel.
Disoriented broadcasters never did figure out whether Nikita Kucherov’s hockey stick was a sand wedge or a 9-iron.
Russian to judgment
A frustrated fan of Russian soccer team Luch-Energiya Vladivostok smuggled a live rooster into a match and hurled it at beleaguered manager Aleksandr Grigoryan.
Futbol pundits immediately declared it the throw-in of the season.
Why don’t racehorses in training wear a Fit Bit?
Hey, battered, battered
Dodgers second baseman Chase Utley got hit by a pitch for the 200th time in his MLB career last Tuesday.
He’s the only big-league player who uses Adolph’s Meat Tenderizer as a liniment.
Jaws 1, Surfers 0
The World Surf League has canceled its Margaret River Pro surf competition in West Australia because of nearby shark attacks.
In other words, the game was called on account of pain.
Jalen Hurts’ father, Averion, told Bleacher Report that his quarterbacking son would likely transfer to another school if he doesn’t retain the starting job at Alabama.
And the winner of the 2018 LaVar Ball Trophy is …
Talking the talk
— Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after a woman declined to sing the national anthem at a Reno Aces minor-league baseball game because she couldn’t bring her gun: “Apparently they got her name off the wrong list of sopranos.”
— Phil Mushnick of the New York Post, seeking a rules clarification: “Several readers asked if Wednesday’s Padres-Rockies and Yankees-Red Sox brawls counted as visits to the mound.”
Among the next round of contestants on “Dancing With The Stars”: basketball icon Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Hey, don’t laugh. Even at age 71 dancing’s got to be easier than dragging Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.
Take me out to the golf game?
The Angels asked a small group of fans in Kansas City to quiet down during Shohei Ohtani’s at-bats.
So when Ohtani grounds one to the left side, we assume, fans are free to yell “Get in the hole!”
The college president collapsed but is said to be OK after suffering a slight stroke on the campus of:
a) Oklahoma, during the Sooners’ unveiling of their Bob Stoops statue
b) Kentucky, when a basketball player said he’d return for his sophomore year
c) Louisville, when players requested a stripper pole for the basketball dorm
Let’s maim two
The Mariners’ injury bug has even spread to the broadcast booth, with Rick Rizzs (biceps) and Dave Sims (Achilles) both sidelined after surgery to repair injuries incurred from playing in the same pickup basketball game.
So who was playing on the other team, Bill Laimbeer?
Put me in, c-c-c-coach
The Twins had to postpone three straight games against the White Sox because of a nasty spring snowstorm.
How can you tell you’re in Minnesota? The catcher tells you one’s a fastball, two’s a curve and three’s a snowball.
Clubhouse leader for this year’s MLB Marquis de Sade Award? A’s pitcher Kendall Graveman. He has a WHIP of 2.02.
Mr. October? The Brewers have Mr. April.
Slugger Eric Thames has hit 10 opening-month home runs against the Reds the past two seasons.
All Bats Are Off Dept.
April 17, in case you missed it, was National Bat Appreciation Day.
Giants hitters, apparently not getting the memo, went 1-for-28 that night.
— At TheOnion.com: “Report: Dez Bryant could be perfect fit for NFL team lacking locker-room cancer.”
— At Fark.com: “Bryce Harper’s bat died a hero last night. Godspeed, Wonderboy.”
Golfer Kelly Kraft’s textbook tee shot struck “a giant, black bird,” the ball fell into a water hazard, he took a double bogey and then wound up missing the cut at the RBC Heritage — by one shot.
Did we mention that all this happened on Friday the 13th?
Police raided FSU QB Deondre Francois’ apartment on a tip he was selling pot, but they found less than an ounce of marijuana.
Sort of the sporting equivalent of Geraldo Rivera cracking Al Capone’s vault and unearthing a dusty bottle.
That’s a good break
The Nationals’Bryce Harper hit a 406-foot homer despite his bat breaking in half.
So what’ll he try for his next home-run stunt — a checked swing? A drag bunt?
My old flames
Ford — on the heels of Chevy’s switch from SS to Camaros for this year’s NASCAR Cup Series races — announced plans to change from Fusions to Mustangs for the 2019 season.
NASCAR fire crews were just thankful they didn’t switch over to Corvairs and Pintos.
Fact of the Week
The Seahawks have a better winning percentage, all time, in NFL playoff games (. 516) than they do regular-season games (. 507).
New Hampshire’s Oyster River Youth Association is investigating two baseball coaches who allegedly discussed a beanball plot in an effort to force an opposing player to quit, the Fosters Daily Democrat reported.
The player in question is 11 years old — and the league’s only girl.
Get me marketing
Thanks to Mother Nature, baseball’s “Spahn and Sain and pray for rain” mantra has been replaced this season by … well … uh … anybody know of a pitching tandem that rhymes with snow?
“Has anyone’s reputation in the sports world after retirement fallen faster than Derek Jeter?” mused Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com. “Well, not counting O.J. Simpson.”
— Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, after Pope Francis said there is no hell: “I wonder what the Pope would call viewing ‘First Take’ and/or ‘Undisputed’ day after day after day after … I guess they don’t get those programs in Vatican City.”
— TBS’s Conan O’Brien, after one of the world’s top Donkey Kong players was stripped of his records for cheating: “He was going to be sentenced to life, but turns out he doesn’t have one.”
— Tom Verducci of SI.com, on why the Angels’Shohei Ohtani is the da Vinci of ballplayers: “Long before expertise narrowed, Leonardo was a painter who also excelled at sculpting, architecture, engineering and more.”
— Plus-sized Detroit fan Voz, to WWJ-TV, on why he watches Tigers games shirtless, even when temps dip into the 30s: “I run hot.”
— Washington State football coach Mike Leach, to reporters, on why he feels no need to hit the links: “Golf’s pretty much for people that don’t swear effectively enough or need practice at it. And so there are people that need golf, and I don’t think I do.”
— Reader Mike Parris, to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, on Tonya Harding and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar cracking this year’s “Dancing with the Stars” lineup: “This is the worst threat to Kareem’s knees since Bill Laimbeer.”
No middle ground
“I have a rule-change proposal for the NBA,” Facebooked Greg Frazier of the San Francisco Chronicle. “Every basket must be scored by either a three-point shot or a dunk. … Oh, wait, that’s already the case.”
Quote, end quote
— Comedy writer Brad Dickson, via Twitter, on a 112-year-old Japanese man assuming the mantle of world’s oldest man: “Man, they keep dying. I’m beginning to think that title is cursed.”
— K.C. manager Ned Yost, to reporters, after a big chunk of ice fell from the CN Tower and punched a hole in the Rogers Centre roof, postponing Monday’s Royals-Blue Jays game: “If you come to a dome and get banged, something ain’t right.”
— Nancy Armour of USA Today, on 24 MLB games postponed in the season’s first 19 days: “Baseball isn’t meant to be played in balaclavas and parkas, and the only time fans should need a blanket at the ballpark is when there’s a movie night under the stars.”
— Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, via Twitter, on ex-NFL linebacker Aldon Smith’s unfathomable blood-alcohol reading when he showed up at a police station to get fitted for an ankle monitor: “Blowing .4 is as hard to do as batting .400.”
— Comic Torben Rolfsen, suggesting the next bad basketball film: “Fifty Shades of Grayson Allen.”
— RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Kristin Cavallari’s upcoming reality series “Very Cavallari” on E!: “Her husband, QB Jay Cutler, tried pitching the show to Bravo, but E! intercepted it.”
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